a Kind of Refugee / 05.03.2023

MAR 1

My mind these days is a jumble of what I’ve done, who I owe, what needs to be addressed, and what is going on right now. My body is in Kyiv. My cat is in Poland. My family is in the United States. My friendships are in the past or in neglect. My computer and phone provide access to nearly everyone I’ve ever met or could meet.

But the real action is to the east and to the south. This is where we cannot fail.

FEB 24

I did manage to call my grandmother this year to wish her a happy birthday. True, it was evening when I remembered. But I was at home in my Kyiv apartment, free to sing “Многая літа” over the phone from the comfort of my kitchen.

Earlier in the day Ukraine’s president Zelensky gave a press conference to a roomful of journalists from around the world. Two hours and fifteen minutes in, a Ukrainian journalist asks: How have the last 365 days changed your relationship with your family, your nearest and dearest?

Here is a man whose face is lined, tired, so different from the boy in a suit who addressed international leaders at the Munich Security Conference in February 2022. That was before he made the now historic decision to remain in Kyiv as russian forces pushed toward the capital, before he saw the human wreckage those russian forces left in Bucha and other Kyiv suburbs when the occupiers were cleared out at the start of April.

“It’s important not to let them down,” he says of his family. “It’s important that my children be proud of me.” They are in Ukraine, he says, in their own country, where Ukrainian boys and girls are dying. They’re studying at Ukrainian schools (a fact worth noting, as the post-Soviet elite usually send their children abroad to get an education).

The only thing I want to say exactly one year after russia’s full-scale invasion is Thank You to the Ukrainians: to the armed forces, the president, and the countless citizen-defenders fighting tirelessly every day, supporting the army and one another, reminding the world that Ukraine’s fight and victory matter.

FEB 26

At this point any person I meet in Ukraine—at a live music show, in the museum, especially if they are involved with war work, but really anybody—has likely lost somebody (friends, coworkers, neighbors, loved ones) or parts of their own body to russian fire, mines, missiles. Sobering, no?

But Ukrainians have been damaged for generations. You will not find a family without personal stories of violent arrest, deportation, unnatural death, or forced resettlement. People are more reluctant to talk about family members who committed these acts against their fellow citizens. I can attest that being uprooted from your homeland under the duress of war, refashioning yourself in a new land amongst new people in a new culture and language leaves scars that last for generations. Soviet Ukrainians were severed from their land through collectivization, deportation and forced resettlement—violent policies their own government devised to subordinate human life to an abstract ideal—without even leaving their country.

FEB 27

In 2014, Ukrainians showed the world they were ready to fight and shed blood to make their country their own. The Maidan revolution drew people from all over Ukraine to Independence Square in the center of Kyiv: for three winter months it was crowded with tents, movement and arguments. Warming themselves around fires in oil drums on the street, people who had previously not crossed paths began to discuss their visions of the country they wanted to live in. Refusing to cower before the government’s threats, Ukrainian protestors positioned themselves in public space (risking death at the hands of that government) to demand that politicians respect and serve the citizens’ political needs.

Ukraine’s current battle against russia’s unjustifiable military invasion takes power and legitimacy from the SUCCESS of Ukrainians in 2014 in resisting and ousting their corrupt government, which put the interests of russia above those of its own citizens.

Since then Ukrainians have been learning and practicing self-defense and self-government in an ongoing trial by fire (feel the difference between this and the controlled conditions of “trial and error”), building the networks that are now equipping and supplying military units, distributing humanitarian aid, rallying for international support, and holding the current government accountable for its actions. The spirits and memory of the tens and now hundreds of thousands who have died in this fight do not allow giving up.

FEB 20

US president Biden’s appearance in Kyiv today, honoring the nine-year anniversary of Ukrainians’ resistance to subjugation, differs from previous historic visits of American leaders. Strolling through central Kyiv during an air raid alarm, standing side-by-side with or embracing Ukraine’s president Zelensky in this country that is reminding the world what protecting freedom and doing democracy require, the US president looks humble.

Anyone who’s been watching the Ukrainians’ ongoing valiant fight to secure their land and people from russia’s assault over the past year—while bearing tremendous loss—and watching the Americans’ enthusiastic but circumspect support cannot help but see a difference. It’s the contrast between generous sacrifice which cannot be called selfless and a cautious struggle to do what is right while maintaining the security of one’s own position.

I respect Biden for coming to this place where he can only appear humble, even vulnerable. It’s not a sign of weakness of US power or influence in the world, but it does serve to remind us of those forms of power that come from principle, courage, virtue, which are very much worth defending.

FEB 19

Wrapping up our conversation in zoom, my mother wishes me well, then adds “and that we send you more artillery soon.” At the word “artillery” I suddenly smile (something I haven’t done in a long time)—spontaneously and sincerely. This word was hardly part of my vocabulary a year ago.

PS Ukraine’s armed forces are, indeed, f-in amazing. But they are human, mortal, and every day of war brings loss of limbs and lives. Drones, like the Backfire developed by the Angry Birds unit (my guys and gals in the south), can attack enemy positions far beyond the front line, helping protect our defenders and civilians from russian fire.

Details and donation link: https://heroesukraine.org/en/ukraine-backfire-drones/

We also desperately need the delivery of those high-precision, modern weapons Western countries have been promising. And fighter jets! Please keep advocating for military aid to Ukraine. It works!